Peace Offering

Last sunday Nathalie and her family took me into Paris with them! We went to the Qatar Grand Prix. It’s a really big horse race, it’s like the Kentucky Derby of Europe. I had a really great time, we drank champagne and I could see the Eiffel Tower from the stands!
Wednesday I started horseback riding. I was really nervous at first because of the language barrier and I was afraid that people would be stuck up to me or get annoyed that I can be so stupid sometimes( It’s not my fault, living with a foreign language can be confusing!!). But everyone was really nice and I had a good time. Horseback riding is pretty much the most wonderful thing in the entire world, if I could ride horses every day all day my life would be complete!
Ok here’s the part that I don't want to think about, I hope I explain everything so that you understand. After I got home from horseback riding, Nathalie was at our house. I knew I was going to see her that day, but I thought she was picking me up to go to her house so we could talk, but I must have misunderstood because she was here to talk to my host mom and me together. It was so terrible, I wasn't prepared for that. It went very badly for me. I didn't get any points across and Nathalie just ended up siding with my host mom and decided that I was being too sensitive. Afterwards I called my mom in tears, she was at work. We talked for a little bit and she made me feel better, I DO have legitimate reasons for not being happy with my host family, I am not crazy. But it doesn't matter, I feel so stupid and immature. I feel like a failure, is this my fault, have I screwed everything up?!
I just want to be happy; I just want to be around people who are nice. I don't know if I can do this, I feel so ridiculous. I want to stick it out and stay the whole year but not when it sucks so much. I'm trying so hard to be happy here, I've never tried so hard in my life to be happy, and so what is wrong with me?
I've been having so many conflicting emotions that I don’t really know HOW I feel exactly.
Friday I helped my host mom make dinner, I OFFERED. I don't even know why I offered, I just felt like I should have so I did. Making dinner is a big task when it consists of several courses and all from scratch. I cut and peeled a bazillion vegetables for the soup. My host family's grandparents had just arrived right before I offered to help out, so my host mom was able to sit and visit with them for a while. Every time I finished with something I just asked her if there was anything else until she couldn't think of anything else for the time being. She kept saying how happy she was that I was helping her. And then she said " not like on wednesday, you made me very distressed on wednesday" and then she went on and on, and I didn't fully understand everything she said, but I got the meaning, that much was clear. You should have been there, she was totally guilting me. Listen here woman! You've been making ME very distressed ever since I got here!
Whatever. Me making dinner was my peace offering and if she wasn't going to except it then that’s just stupid.
After that she left to run the errands or something, I can never fully understand what she says to me. Dinner wasn't finished by then but there was nothing else for me to do so I just went to my room thinking that I was done. Catherine had intended for me to make the entire dinner, but she didn't inform me of that minor detail.
She finished making dinner herself (she could have come and got me!), but she burnt her hand really bad in the process. Let’s just say that she was pretty resentful of the fact that she thought I was supposed to be making dinner and if I had finished then she wouldn't have burnt her hand. She is so weird; there is no possible way to please her!

So it’s safe to say that I'm feeling a little down right now. It's october and I have not seen one Halloween decorations, I won't be going on any hay rides and I most certainly won't have any apple cider. Oh, they do have "apple cider" here but it is most certainly NOT like in America, its alcoholic and it tastes disgusting.
In two weeks Annkatrin and Aline are heading back to Germany, they are my best friends here, it’s going to be hard without them.