I am so so so so so sorry that I haven’t updated in so long! You’ve probably been thinking that I’m dead! Actually the reason I haven’t updated in so long is because we haven’t had internet, which is pretty much the same thing as dying anyways so you can’t be mad at me!

So a lot of interesting things have been happening lately. I cooked thanksgiving for my host family and I suddenly became very “sick” so none of my retarded friends from school came and instead we invited a family who is friends with my host family and I really like them so it was fun. Actually I truthfully was sick, I missed two days of school so it was only half a lie that I told to Flavie, and Nadia just stopped talking to me before that so I didn’t have to say anything to her. And I would like to take this opportunity to brag and say that I cooked for 10 people all by myself! My host brother helped me peel potatoes and that’s all.

A girl named Gil invited me to go to a concert with her and her friends that night, I don’t know how to say this without sounding really immature but her and her friends are kind of like the “popular kids” so I was pretty happy about that but I ended up getting a fever again while we were at the concert and on top of that I’ve been a little too shy lately for my own good so it wasn’t too fun and now I don’t think they really like me all that much, and I think their kinda shy too, French people are like that. They just don’t put themselves out there to talk and be friendly; they expect you to entertain them. So that’s too bad but it’s ok.

I have been making other friends though. My best friend so far is Anne Laure, yes if you remember, that was the name of my old host sister, but THIS Anne Laure is really nice and fun to be around and she helps me out a lot in my classes.

It turns out that a lot of people in my class ride my bus so that’s how I’ve gotten to know them, thank god, I don’t have to worry about the horrors of riding the bus in a foreign country anymore and I don’t have to sit there all lonely staring off into space while everybody else is talking to their friends. Now there’s a girl who gets off at the same stop as me and if she’s not there, everyone else knows the whole bus route by heart so they make sure I know where I’m going. And my friend Marian said that she spent a month in Ireland and that riding the bus really freaked her out and made her nervous too! Today I got out of school early because one of our classes got canceled and it turned out that the bus wasn’t going to come for like an hour but there were two girls from my class who showed me that I can take another bus and catch my normal bus at another stop. But we actually had to wait at the other stop for like ever and we all got to talking and they are really nice.

Despite the fact that I am finally starting to make friends, I can feel myself started to feel really, really shy! I don’t’ know what’s wrong with me, maybe it’s just because I feel so tired and overwhelmed all the time, it’s like when I first arrived in France. I think this is happening to me again because I’m in a whole new place again without any familiar faces. But I really need to stop! I’m worried my friends are starting to get annoyed! Wouldn’t ‘it annoy you if I was tired all the time and hardly ever said anything? I really try to make conversation but when I feel awkward and exhausted at the same time, it just doesn’t come, you know? You probably don’t’ know. Well I’m really, really trying so that should count for something.

Things with my family are really great. We all went skiing last weekend! OMG the Alps are freaking AMAZING. I mean like WOHH I have never seen something so breath-taking. Just the ride up there was amazing and it was only an hour away since we’re already in the Alps as it is. With my luck of course my camera was out of battery, but I did manage to get some pictures before it died.

I SUCK at skiing. In America I thought that I was pretty good, not amazing, but good enough. But here, skiing is way more serious since we’re in actual mountains, all the slopes are bigger and scarier and there are actual clifts that you have to avoid falling down! Plus all the slopes are just plain harder, or maybe is seems that way because we didn’t start with the easy ones since I told my host family that I thought I was pretty good at skiing. So I pretty much almost died and I fell down so much and by the end of the day I was so exhausted I could hardly get myself off the ground each time I fell down and my host brother loves to show off how amazing he is and laugh at how much I suck.

But it’s ok, he’s just mad because the other day my host dad told him to pull his pants up but he refused because I don’t know why guys think it’s so cool when their pants are like falling down but then my host dad nudged me because I was closest to Emile and then I pulled his pants down and it was really funny! Since then we’ve been like a really brother and sister because we are always picking on each other, it’s kind of sweet actually. I’ve never had a little brother before. Emile is 13 and he already speaks 4 languages fluently by the way!

The other day I got a little notice from the post office that they had a package waiting for me. They don’t deliver the packages here because I don’t know, they’re French, so I had to go into town to get it. The only problem was that both my host parents were going to be at work all day. Normally they work from home but since we don’t have internet they have to go in to work so no one could take me to the post office so I had to take the bus.

Then when I got there I saw that the post office wouldn’t be open for two hours! I probably wouldn’t get another opportunity to go there for a few days and I desperately wanted my package from home so I decided just to wait until it opened again. So then I started wandering around, it wasn’t too bad at all for the first hour because I just went into all the little tourist shop and I bought some presents to send to my family back home for Christmas. My family is too big to buy presents for every one so I got a cook book of French food and then I got two little things for Lia and Kyra because I really wish we got along better. Maybe when I get back from France we will. So I got a little bear for Lia because she loves stuffed animals and a snow globe for Kyra because when ever my dad goes on a business trip she asks him to get her a snow globe and now she collects them. I know they are going to love their presents!! A few days later when I was at the store with my host family I bought some escargot shaped chocolates lol so I’m going to stick them in the box, too, for the rest of my family. But anyways after I went in all the shops I just kind of wondered around and that wasn’t too bad either because I can honestly say that Biot is one of the most.. I don’t know… charming places I have ever been. You would just have to be there to understand but you would totally agree! It’s a little village that dates back to the medieval times so all the architecture is medieval and Mediterranean, if you can imagine that. All the streets are tiny and cobblestone and all the buildings are made of stone and painted different Mediterranean type colors and there are flowers and vines everywhere so it’s just really pretty and so unlike America. But Biot is really tiny like I said before so I could only wander around for so long before I found myself somewhere I’d been before. I’m serious; it’s so tiny I couldn’t even get lost!

So I started to get kind of bored and felt a little awkward when I kept seeing the same people over again because I wasn’t the only person wandering around just for the fun of it, but it kinda seemed like it because most of the village seems like its deserted. The tourists I ran into several times were German I think or some other north European country because I’m getting pretty good at being able to tell languages apart. So anyways I found myself in a little square and there was no one else there so it was really peaceful and really gorgeous too, I had already taken a picture of it and it’s on my face book if you want to see -wow I am really going off into tangents today. So I sat down on a bench and took out my book, I only had about a half an hour left, but the minutes ticked by as slowly as possible and I felt kind awkward just sitting there all by myself and I was wearing my red coat which every one compliments me on but I don’t like it because it really stands out and makes me feel awkward. And then this adorable little cat came up to me so I played with it for a while because it was barely older than a kitten- I so wanted to take it home with me! And while I was petting the cat the German people came and started to take pictures of the architecture in the square because it was really gorgeous by the way and they had this professional camera. And then they “left” because they didn’t really leave they snuck back when they though I wasn’t looking and took a picture of me with the cat! I guess I can finally pass as a native, red coat and all.

I finally got my package and then got on the wrong bus and didn’t get home for about an hour and half-it was a long day!

Well I have so much more to write but I really just don’t feel like it and this is already 1873 words long and if you are reading this and your name is Jackie you will have been surprised by now with how grammactily(except for this word because for some reason spell checker says its wrong but won’t correct it) correct I’ve been and how everything is spelled right for a change and that is because I’m writing this with Microsoft Word. And in French the word for surprised is étonnée and I know that because I’ve been getting pretty kick ass in French lately, so much so that when people ask me if I speak French I just say yes instead of “a little bit” and I’m pretty darn proud of myself because I was so horrible at French in the beginning and it was embarrassing.

I promise to update more soon and even though I always say that and then never do but this time I really will haha.

And p.s. we still don’t really have internet, only dial-up witch costs money and is really slow and takes up the phone line so that’s why I haven’t been able to reply to anybody’s emails, I’m really sorr

So I don't know if I've told you but the first friends I've made here are seriously wierd emos. Just my luck. Well Flavie is nice but she doesn't get along with a lot of people and she's kinda depressed all the time. So some other girls in my class invited me to eat lunch with them today and that was really nice! And they were like "so, we're rescuing you, we know you don't want to hang out with them" lol.I didn't think it would be a big deal but Flavie got really upset with me. When I told her that I was eating with them I just said that they invited me, I couldn't just say no, I even went so far as to apologize to her for it!I had so much fun at lunch hanging out with happy people who wear bright colors lol. They told me that Flavie is really possesive and that she does this with all her friends.After lunch I sat with Flavie in the class room like we always do and she was like " You know if you don't want to be friends with us then just tell me, don't just leave us like that!"OMG all I did was eat lunch with them! I had this type of situation in Rouen and was no big deal, I sat with different people every day at lunch because I had lots of friends!And even after that she just started being super distant. She wouldnt sit with me in the next class. You have to understand though, every body sits with the same person in every class, I don't know why its just what they prefere to do. And then during the break her and Nadia were whispering stuff to eachother right in front of me and when I asked what was up they just said nothing.Holy cow, they are being so immature. It still kinda makes me feel upset. Ontop of that, my australian friend, Jessica really doesn't like americans and she's not good at hiding it. People really dont' like americans, it makes me really sad sometimes!Also when I was opening the car door this morning I did it with my foot and I accidently cracked the plastic on the cup holder thingy! I felt so bad! My host dad said that its ok, that happens but I still feel bad.
I'll update more later!

The past week and a half

Yah, so I've definitley been neglecting my blog! Its just that everything is happening so fast! Everything is just so amazing, and I'm not hiding out in my room all day so I don't have tons of time to kill anymore, quiet the opposite actually. So I will try to tell you everything that has happened in the past week and a half.


Everything that happened feels like its so far in the past now, and that is where I want it to stay!I don't remember what I put on my last post so I'll tell you a little bit about what it was like to leave.


First, after my evil ex host mother found out that I was leaving, my life turned into a nightmare,she was yelling at me all the time and saying all these really mean things. Half the time she was just trying to provoke me into saying something equally as rude, so all I ever said was "ok". I'm serious it was like this:


"You know you really hurt me, you're not a very nice person!"


"ok"


"This is not a hotel you can't just stay in your room all the time!"


"Ok"


"I'm so sick of you sitting around and eating our food!"


"ok"


I basically just stayed in my room and cried all day everyday until I left, it was really horrible. I was set to leave on saturday but I couldn't wait that long, everytime I left my room she would say or do something really mean and it pretty much just scared the heck out of me. I called my mom in tears and she told me that I needed to call Nathalie and ask if she could come get me. But my mom was busy and she couldn't talk very long. So I hung up with her and called Nathalie who just tried to assure me that everything was going to be ok and that I could wait until saturday. Then I called my dad, because I really couldn't just sit there. Nothing could discract me, I was completely freaking out and scared out of my mind. I called him and talked for a long time, I really just didn't want to hange up. He said that it was rediculous that I had to stay there, they were being really horrible.


That night it only got worse, I called Nathalie again after dinner only it was pretty late. My host mom had been so terrible at dinner, I just ran to my room. Then she called my host mom who then gave the phone to me when she was done talking to Nathalie and Nathalie said she was coming to get me the next day.


Then I had my last day of school, I took pictures with my friends and said good bye, I was really sad. All my best friends there lived in the bording school part, they day before they sneaked me in to show it to me.


When Nathalie came to pick me up it was really awkward at first, I got all my suitcases out of my room and by the door, but then my host mom offered her something to drink so we all had to sit down while they make small talk! My host mom handed me a letter from her and a little gift bag and another letter for my new host family. In my head I was like NO WAY am I giving them that letter! They talked FOREVER and when we finally finished and were standing by the door ready to leave my host mom kept bringing up really stupid things to talk about and I'm serious, we stood there for like half an hour, it was like death!


When we FINALLY walked out the door, my host mom and host brother walked us to the car and then watched us drive away you should have seen the look on her face, she is seriously evil. I think I will have nightmares about her for the rest of my life!


I loved Nathalie's house and her family. I had already met them once before when they took me to Paris with them. She had twin boys who are about 8 and a daughter who is 10. I basically played with her kids all night until we went to bed.


While I was there Nathalie got an email from my new host mom saying that she wanted my number because she wanted to talk to me that day. Nathalie decided it was better to call her since she probably wouldn't get the email right away. I was so nervous to talk to her, I figured I probably wound't understand what she was sayingbecause my french sucks so bad! It was actually really great. She just said that they would be there at the train station the next day to pick me up and that she was excited to meet me! It made me so happy, I was just smiling all night!


The next day I was super amazingly nervous! I would be traveling all day alone and my suitcases were litterally too much for me to handle because I have more stuff now. Plus it didn't help me that my mom told me that I should be careful because thieves and pidifiles pray on young girls like who are traveling all alone. THANKS MOM!


First I had to take a bus because part of the track was being repared. I was a nervouse reck the whole time, it was about an hour long. When we got to the station it was pretty small. There was a long flight of stairs going up in order to get to the trains. I stood there with my 3 suitcases that I had barely managed to get into the stating in the first place (you should have seen me, it was pathetic). I looked around there were not security gards I could ask for help or excalators or elavators or anything. On top of that, how was I supposed to know which train! I was totally freaking out. I just stood there in udder dispaire not knowing what on earth I was going to do. I nearly burst into tears.


While I was standing there looking pathetic I cought the eye of a man who was standing near me. He came up to me and in a very non creepy way offered to help me. HE WAS AN ANGEL! I seroiusly don't know what I would have done if he hadn't helped me, the whole situation was so terrible! He helped me all the way up the the stair case,and then all the way down the other side under the sign that said PARIS. I said thankyou a million times and then he wished me good luck, and left. He walked away a little bit and then stood there watching me load me suitcases on the train which wasn't very difficult, and then dissapeared.


Once one the train I wasn't sure what to do with my suitcases. It depends, some trains you can just leave them by the door and thats like normal, but this train was a little different, it didn't seem like a long distance train and so I wasn't sure. There was a mini compartment with an man sitting in it right near the entrance where I was standing so I decided to ask him.


"ohhh no, you can't leave your suitcases there, they will get stolen! But you can put them in here with me, I'll watch them!"(this was in french of course)

Yah right!

He saw me about to say no and before I could reply, he said, "well you can sit in here with me too!"


No thankyou!


I did manage to find a seat with room for my suitcases next to an old lady doing a sudoku. Again I was a nervous reck the whole hour and a half ride to Paris. When the train stopped I was again having trouble and the old lady who had been sitting next to me came and helped me! And let me tell you, she wasn't so old after all! She was really nice and we chatted for a while until I found a good spot to wait for the person from YFU who was going to meet me. I said thankyou so much, and she wished me good luck too and went on her way. Less than a minute later the person from YFU found me and he was really strong and took the two biggest suitcases.

His name was Kevin, he was really nice. He had been an exchange student in Australia and he had also had a physco host mother. He took me to lunch because I had an hour and a half until my next train came and YFU paid for it.

The second train ride was about 6 hours long! It passed really fast. I slept a little, and I tried to read but I couldn't concentrate on anything. I was so nervous! But that was ok because I was pretty content to watch the french countryside roll by. It was beautiful! I was pretty excited when those weren't clouds I was looking at in the distance, they were the Alps! I saw TWO castles! They were both in the mountians, it was so cool!

Towards the end of the ride, I was getting really nervous, I couldnt' relax my mind was going crazy. I called my mom with my cell phone using up the little battery I had left. We only talked for about 5 minutes but it really helped, it was good to hear her voice reasuring me!

Suddenly the train began to slow down, I was looking out the window and I saw palm trees pass by! When I saw the sun setting over the mediteranean sea, I just KNEW I was going to like it here!

It was a miracle I was able to get off my train with my suitcases but I finally did, and then I stood there all alone in the dark and the train left, and then all the people left and I could hardly walk anywhere with my stupid suitcases.

But finally my family came, they'd been waiting for me in another part of the station.

The first thing I noticed about my host mom is that she actually smiles. Everything has been really great since I got here, they make me feel totally at ease. They are completely different from my last host family, they are so nice to me!

The first day of school was quite intersting as you can imagine. But not at all as horrible as my first day of school in Rouen. In fact, it wasn't horrible at all, it was a good day!
Well my host mom went in with me and took me to the principle and made sure I was in good hands (unlike my ex host mother!!). The principle was really nice, first he said we were going to look for some one in my class so that I could follow them all day. He was NOT thinking. The first girl he went up to was sitting on her boyfriends lap making out with him. They were both hard core emos too. Just my luck. Her name was Anael. She's really nice but....yah. So she took me to get my schedual and to the library to get my books and we went to our first class which was science.
This is where it got really intersting because during class while we taking notes, she was sitting there drawing a very detailed picture of a naked woman in chains! That is WIERD!
When she took me to get my books she introduced me to Nadia, who ia really nice. She's just a little bit emo so its not that bad, and in science class, thats where I met my friend Flavie. So pretty much their whole group of friends in emo and obvessed with Manga. But each class here only has like 20-30 students so you can't always pick your friends, you stuck with who ever is in your class.
On that day I had like 2 hours of nothing on my schedual and so did Nadia so she took me to the cafet with her, which is basically like a little cafe inside the school for the students, its really cool! We talked and talked, she's really nice and friendly. In french schools, there are two breaks during the day for 20 minutes, and during one of the breaks I started talking to Flavie. We have a lot in common! And the best thing is... she's a christian!!! So on thursday night she took me to church with her,and it was just like my church in america only in french! And its actually a bilingual church and the pastor is an american. I haven't met him yet but I will, I'm going with her again tonight =] And then there is a youth group party that I'm going to with her saturday night, its going to go really late so I'm going to sleep over at her house and then on sunday we going to go to Cannes.
Last weekend my family took me to Cannes and Antibes, which are so amazingly beautiful, I took over a hundred pictures just last weekend, you can see them on my facebook. Also, the second day I was here my host mom took me to Valbonne and Biot. I didn't have my camera in Valbonne but it was amazing, and you can see the pictures of Biot on my facebook also. She is so nice to take me, I really love my new family!
Both of the letters that my old host mom wrote were too difficult for me to read so I showed them to Flavie. It was really rediculous because even SHE had trouble reading them. They were written messily and used strange words. The one to my new host parents had my old host family's address and the parent's email addresses on it in two places and it just said a bunch of gibbereish, I really don't understand it. The letter to me was also a bunch of gibberish but it basically said, I tried with you but you failed me. I'm serious, thats what it actually said in one the the sentences. Even Flavie couldn't read the whole thing. Its like my ex host mom did that on purpose so that I would have to ask my host parents for help and so they would read it. And she really wants them to contact her! NO WAY. I didn't even give them the gift bag which had some home made jam in it. I don't want to eat that jam!!!!!
Another thing is that before I left I had to hurry up and wash all my dirty cloths and stuff and my old host mom never let me do my own laundry even though I prefere it. And remember how I'm allergic to laundry detergent! Yah, she used the kind that I'm allergic to, so my first week here I had hives every day! And now I can't remember exactly which cloths were in that last load so I'm in the process of washing all my cloths right now. But thats a little complicated since the washer here just broke. So I've been wearing my cloths that I don't usually wear because I don't like them very much because I'm sure they weren't in that load. But its ok, no one cares about fashion here in france except the really annoying superficial "popular" girls and no one cares about them so I fit right in no matter what I wear here.
So I'm pretty sure she washed my cloths with that detergent on purpose! What an evil bitch...
My french is like a TON better now. When I was in Paris with my friends, something just clicked. It was like the light bulb turned on, suddenly everything started to make sense! Since then I have been improving quickly. Thats how I've managed to make friends at school so fast. I can have actually conversations now, that helps!
So everything is pretty good here, I'm pretty happy. Except I've been getting really homesick. I had finally gotten to the point where I was comfortable in Rouen, and now I've moved to a completeliy different place, and even though I love it here, its not America, its not home.
Another thing that is kinda funny is that I keep having night mares that I either have to go back to my old host family, or for some reason I have to leave the new one. It sounds funny, but in the dreams I totally freak out! I had those dreams like 5 nights in a row, I am not kidding! Last night it finally stopped though.
Ok this is really long right now, I hope that I covered everything! Comment me!

Ok, I am so freaked out. So yesterday Nathalie called me and officially told me about my new host family and that I'm going to be leaving on saturday!! But she also called my host mom and said that she was going to come over today to talk. So this morning at breakfest my host mom was like REALLY angry at me. She just kept talking and I only understood half of what she was saying but her meaning was pretty apparent.
I stay in my room all the time here because, I'm like freaked out by them and that really irks her. "This is NOT a hotel!!!", thats what she kept saying, because she says that I just don't talk to them and hide in my room all the time. And I said that thats not true, I talk to her and I do a but load of work! (although I said that politely) And then she said that I did horrible work. Ok, I have tried so hard. She thinks everthing thing I do is wrong. I wipe off the table, and that is wrong, I pull weeds in the garden and that is wrong, I fold cloths and its horrendous. I don't understand, its not like I'm doing it wrong on purpose, I have been doing things to the best of my ability so I don't understand why I keep getting in trouble!
So then after that Nathalie came over and they talked for a long time and I was sitting right there. I could follow the conversation, but I only understood about half of it, but that was enough.
Catherine just complained about how horrible I am and she just kept bringing up all these little things. Have I told you how she asked me if we could just speak english all the time?! And I said I prefere to speak french, that was a few weeks ago. Well she told Nathalie that I annoy her because I want to speak english all the time!!! What the heck, she is so wierd. I mean, she's been lecturing me on how annoyed she's been that we havent been speaking english. She acts like its some how my fault that she hasn't made progress in english but I've been making progress in french. And then she goes and complains to Nathalie the contrairy!
Listening to them talk about me made me feel so horrible. I feel like I've been a bad exchange student. I know I've already asked a few people if they thought that was true and they said no, but still, I am just so freaked out!
Catherine really is crazy. I can see where she is coming from but she can't see where I'M coming from, she refuses to except anything different. I'm not trying to sound prejudice but I think the french are just like that. You should see how they are about their political views, they are so arrogant about them when they honestly just don't understand. They won't consider other points of view. Isn't that what being and exchange student is all about? Learning about other cultures and other points of views? I can see and understand that so what can't they?!
Its really tense here now and I'm not leaving until saturday. I'm really supper nervous to meet my new host family, I hope everything goes really well. Any advice please?Well I'm going to go offer to set the table. Here are two pictures I have of my new host family and their house! Click on the picture to make it bigger

This Weekend...

Oh my gosh, so it seroiusly just took me like an hour to write this really long post about my weekend and then I accidently deleted it. So I am not going to type that again! Ugh thats really frusturating. But oh well, I'll tell you about it some time.
I don't have any news of my new host family yet, but I'll post something when I do! In the mean time, i'm on my week and half break from school. And I'm bored out of my mind! But on friday i'm going to spend a few days in paris so thats going to be really awesome!

nouvell famille d'accuiel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well I was getting ready to tell you about how depressed I am but then I read this on facebook:

Kelly Kaiser

Today at 8:15pm

HEY!!!!!! YFU just called, they have a new family for you near NICE!!! that is 15 km from the mediterrranean sea and they like to walk the beach all the time. They have a son who is a YFU exchange student in Germany and a 13 year old daughter. They are swedish entrpreneurs who work from home. THey have lived in France for 10 years and have adopted t he culture. You are so freakin lucky!!! Have they told you yet? Act dumb if they have not. She did not know their name or address yet so it may not be for sure, but they probably wouldn't have called me if they weren't somewhat sure!!!! Write me back you lucky duck!!!

LOVE
MOM

This is how I'm feeling now:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok enough said! I've been having a slightly terrible week and lots of issues with my host mom and my best friends are leaving tomorrow, but THIS MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER!

French Films

French films make me feel like there is no hope left in the world...
Its all about sex: sex at school, gay sex, sex with your teacher,sex with your friends boyfriend, sex with your husbands business partner, forget about sex with your own boyfriend, that is too boring!
I can't even understand what they are saying but I don't need to! Oh yes, and I left the part out where the main character jumped off the roof at school because his girl friend was making out with her italien teacher who was his best friend....
And my host sister loves these films because they are "non-conformist". Ok then... I like my conformist movies!

p.s. I just got an email from YFU about my departure date. Its the 4 of July! I want THAT to be the date I go home, ok, I do not want to leave early, don't let me leave!

Peace Offering

Last sunday Nathalie and her family took me into Paris with them! We went to the Qatar Grand Prix. It’s a really big horse race, it’s like the Kentucky Derby of Europe. I had a really great time, we drank champagne and I could see the Eiffel Tower from the stands!
Wednesday I started horseback riding. I was really nervous at first because of the language barrier and I was afraid that people would be stuck up to me or get annoyed that I can be so stupid sometimes( It’s not my fault, living with a foreign language can be confusing!!). But everyone was really nice and I had a good time. Horseback riding is pretty much the most wonderful thing in the entire world, if I could ride horses every day all day my life would be complete!
Ok here’s the part that I don't want to think about, I hope I explain everything so that you understand. After I got home from horseback riding, Nathalie was at our house. I knew I was going to see her that day, but I thought she was picking me up to go to her house so we could talk, but I must have misunderstood because she was here to talk to my host mom and me together. It was so terrible, I wasn't prepared for that. It went very badly for me. I didn't get any points across and Nathalie just ended up siding with my host mom and decided that I was being too sensitive. Afterwards I called my mom in tears, she was at work. We talked for a little bit and she made me feel better, I DO have legitimate reasons for not being happy with my host family, I am not crazy. But it doesn't matter, I feel so stupid and immature. I feel like a failure, is this my fault, have I screwed everything up?!
I just want to be happy; I just want to be around people who are nice. I don't know if I can do this, I feel so ridiculous. I want to stick it out and stay the whole year but not when it sucks so much. I'm trying so hard to be happy here, I've never tried so hard in my life to be happy, and so what is wrong with me?
I've been having so many conflicting emotions that I don’t really know HOW I feel exactly.
Friday I helped my host mom make dinner, I OFFERED. I don't even know why I offered, I just felt like I should have so I did. Making dinner is a big task when it consists of several courses and all from scratch. I cut and peeled a bazillion vegetables for the soup. My host family's grandparents had just arrived right before I offered to help out, so my host mom was able to sit and visit with them for a while. Every time I finished with something I just asked her if there was anything else until she couldn't think of anything else for the time being. She kept saying how happy she was that I was helping her. And then she said " not like on wednesday, you made me very distressed on wednesday" and then she went on and on, and I didn't fully understand everything she said, but I got the meaning, that much was clear. You should have been there, she was totally guilting me. Listen here woman! You've been making ME very distressed ever since I got here!
Whatever. Me making dinner was my peace offering and if she wasn't going to except it then that’s just stupid.
After that she left to run the errands or something, I can never fully understand what she says to me. Dinner wasn't finished by then but there was nothing else for me to do so I just went to my room thinking that I was done. Catherine had intended for me to make the entire dinner, but she didn't inform me of that minor detail.
She finished making dinner herself (she could have come and got me!), but she burnt her hand really bad in the process. Let’s just say that she was pretty resentful of the fact that she thought I was supposed to be making dinner and if I had finished then she wouldn't have burnt her hand. She is so weird; there is no possible way to please her!

So it’s safe to say that I'm feeling a little down right now. It's october and I have not seen one Halloween decorations, I won't be going on any hay rides and I most certainly won't have any apple cider. Oh, they do have "apple cider" here but it is most certainly NOT like in America, its alcoholic and it tastes disgusting.
In two weeks Annkatrin and Aline are heading back to Germany, they are my best friends here, it’s going to be hard without them.

Do not play with a nonbeliever

An email I got from my mom this morning:

Oh my gosh this is so cute. Kyra had to write out her bible verse this week and say what it meant to her. This is what she wrote: 2 corinthians 6:14-15 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do Righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? what harmony can Christ have with Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?

Do not play with a nonbeliever, like Anna is in paris and in school they have a break to smoke and they probably tempt her but she does not do it and it is good not to smoke. PS people in paris do not believe in God, some do but not all.

Isn't that the cutest thing???? She acts all nonchalant about you being gone but I think she does miss you and you have made a big impression on her. You are more of an example to her than you know!!Love ya,MOM

Omg that is so funny! I read that while I was in the CDI for another 2 hours this morning. If you don't get the whole smoking thing its because we have two 20 minute breaks during the school day and the first friends that I made, the emo ones, always went outside to smoke with like half of the school, so I would always have to stand there waiting while the smoked. I don't remember telling Kyra that, she must have heard it from my parents!
I made a bunch of new friends today!! They are really nice!

Home

Ok so on tuesday I called my mom and I told her everything. She was appalled but she was really funny about it. You should have heard her exclamations it was really amusing. She wasn’t completely freaked out and worried. Everything I've ever thought about my host mom and family that I would never have said out loud, she said. It felt so amazing to have all my thoughts confirmed, I had shoved them in the back of my head, thinking I was being rediculous! Then my mom told me that I needed to get a new host family and it was final. After I hung up I sent an email to Nathalie and I told her everything, now I'm waiting in great suspense for her reply! Its thursday now, maybe she'll reply tonight!
The strange thing is that she called yesterday while I was taking a nap to invite me to go to Paris with her and her family for a horse race! I am so excitied because that is really nice of her! I guess she hadn't read my email yet when she invited me, or maybe she had and she wants to talk about it in person. I'm also nervous, I mean, I hardly know her and I'm going to be in the car for an hour and a half with her and her family. I really hope they like me! She has three little kids, I totally love kids, maybe I can just move in with her! We have a lot in common, she used to ride, and her husband works with horses! She told Catherine(my host mom, pronounced like kat-treen) that we were going to have a picnic. My mom sent me the ingredients to make chocolate chip cookies (all the dry ingredients already measured and mixed together because the measurements are different over here) and I've been saving them because its so special to me. Catherine said I should make a dessert to bring for the picnic so I'm going to make my chocolate chip cookies for them =]
My host mom took me to the Centre Equestre to sign up for horseback riding lessons. I felt so guilty about her taking me that I didn't want to go! But we went nevertheless and I signed up. My parents said that I could do horseback riding here but its soooooo expensive, they might say no when I tell them. But I'm so excited, this is going to make everything so much better! I'm also really nervous, my french sucks soooooo bad! I hope that everyone is nice and that they don't get annoyed with me! Horseback riding is something that I love SO much, I can't even explain, but I have to say, it does wonders for my mental health!
So I will give my host mom props for that but she kinda ruined it this morning when she came into my room again and said that the kitchen wasn't cleaned. Déjà vu! It was so stupid, she is a freaken physco! Listen here woman, I am SORRY that I cannot freaken read your mind! Now I have to show you an email that my grandma sent me today. Have I mentioned that she used to work for YFU? She was a personne relaise, or whatever it is in english. I wasn't going to bring her into this fiasco but my mom called her of course, she was pretty freaked out by everything (but she was pretty good humored about it, like I said [and I mean my mom, not my grandma]). Anyways this is what my grandma said to me:
HI Anna!We talked with your mother last night and she told us some of the trouble you are having.Definitely talk with your YFU contact and tell her everything. I have had some thing happen like this for a boy I had in my area. The family decided they would have a hired man and the boy was expected to work on the turkey farm. Of course, YFU did not allow this and the boy was moved to another family. Do not be afraid to tell the YFU person you are afraid. Tell her everything!!!! If you do not get results, we can work on this from this end, but it is better that you do it first. Insist on moving, this type of thing never seems to get better even if people say it will.We are praying that this talk will go great for you!Love and Hugs!Grandma!!

Sooo yah, she feels really seriously about it! And she would know, thats good, shes not just saying that out of concern for her granddaughter, she has a professional opinion.
Ok Jackie, you said that I should wait a week and give them a second chance, thats good advice because that is what I was already doing. There were times this past month when my friends told me to "get out while you still can!" but I said, no- I'll give them onnnne more chance, I'll see how this week goes. Sunday was like, her third chance! And she really really blew it.
Sure, I can be a good little christian and forgive her but the damage has already been done, she has hurt my feelings so much since I've been here, I can't live like this, I shouldn't have to and I won't!
I guess I wasn't very clear about what happened sunday morning, mostly because I hardly understand it myself but she was angry because the dishes weren’t done and kitchen wasn't clean and I was lounging around doing nothing -that is her point of view! My point of view? I had eaten breakfast just like every other morning, cleaned up any crumbs left on the table and went to get myself ready. When she still hadn't called me to tell me it was time to go, I sat down to read a book until it was time. She never asked me to do the dishes that morning or any other morning. I clean the kitchen every night and when I'm not at school for lunch I have to clean the kitchen before and after lunch too!
Where is my host sister? Yah she's nice but she's just really busy and cranky all the time and don't get me wrong, she's not cranky at all to me, she's really nice but she just doesn’t really have time for me. It’s ok, it could be better though, but I don't mind I've been making some good friends at school.
My closest friends at school right now are the two other exchange students from germany, but they are leaving at the end of the month =[. I shouldn't get so attached to them, but I already am! We just have so much in common, I love other exchange students, they are the coolest people you could ever meet! They are so easy to talk to, and you feel like instant friends! I've ditched my downer emo friends and started hanging out with them all the time. I'm also starting to hang out with some other really nice girls in my class so I won't be totally devastated when Aline and Annkatrin leave.
Today was a really long day. Thursday is one of the days that I don't get out of school until 6 o'clock! Its also the day that I have my dreaded gym class. First was english. Every one is the class has to do this presentation on anything they want, they just have to do it in english. Today two girls did theirs on Barack Obama. You can imagine my distaste. Don't even get me started on Barack Obama and how everyone in France is obsessed with him, it is so annoying! He's not that great people! They didn't even spell him name right on the board. I had to sit through all this crap about how he is so amazing and blah blah blah and then to end it they did this fake election. They handed out slips of paper and every one had to write who they would vote for, Obama or McCain. I thought this was completely inappropriate. Which makes sense from my point of view considering what I've gone through concerning politics here in France. I was worried somehow that if I wrote McCain on my slip of paper that everyone would know, because I'm the american or something. I was so worried. But I wasn't about to deny what I believed in! So I resolved not to write anything at all. They would never know why or who was the person who left the paper blank. After we passed our slips of paper up Annkatrin asked me the dreaded question, so who are you for? I shrugged and gave her my usual answer, that I preferred not to talk about my political views. And she asked why but in a conversational way not a wow-thats-really-wierd-way, and I gave her the usual response: that people got too heated over politics. So she doesn't think I'm a freak, and that’s good! When the results were in there was a little surprise! Everyone had voted for Obama except one! So now I wonder, WHO?! It would be very interesting to know!
After that class was supposed to be my english history class but it was canceled because the professor wasn't there. Instead of having substitute teachers here, we just don't have class at all, its great! I went to the CDI(library) with Annkatrin and Aline. After that was gym class but then a miracle happened lol! Our gym teacher was gone so gym class was canceled! So we went back to the CDI for another two hours. After that was my free period so I stayed in the CDI for another hour. That’s a total of 4 hours! Then I had lunch with Annkatrin and Aline. After that we had math, all three of us sat there and read our books because the class was doing this math thing on the computer that we didn't have to do. I studied french, which is what I always so for a legitimate part of school. So that was an hour long. Then we had history which was 2 hours. Except, for the second hour there was a test that we didn't have to take. Soooo we went back to the CDI! You can see that I have had a very productive school day. 5 hours in the CDI, wow. I don't know how I survived. It really didn't seem like 5 hours! I was with Annkatrin and Aline for most of the time and they are cool and she we just kept ourselves entertained. We did some homework and showed each other pictures of our old lives on the computer lol. It was mostly just me and Annkatrin because Aline has a little bit different schedule.
Today was pretty great actually; I'm starting to feel at home here in Rouen despite my family problems, I feel like I can handle it! Really, it all comes from making friends. It’s not just Annkatrin and Aline, there are other girls in my class who are really great too, so I know that when they leave, I will still have friends and I will be ok =] If I am able to feel this happy now, just think how happy I will feel with a new family! So all in all it was a great day, even though my host mom was mad at me and even though I had to walk home. Its like, as long as I have friends, I feel so much for comfortable with myself and my surroundings, it makes a world of difference! I can be at home here. I can learn to think of Rouen as my home.

sigh...

Today was a reunion in Caen for YFU which is the organization I'm here in France with. I have been anticipating this all month, especially because my personne relaise was there and she never answered my email, so I've been like dying over here!


So I woke up early enough to get ready and eat and everything and by the time I was ready I was feeling pretty proud of myself because my host mom is very anal about being absolutly ready when she says its time to go. So I sat down on my bed to read a book until she called my name to leave with my shoes on and every thing.


Then all the sudden my host mom came into my room all pissed off and she saw that I was reading and she got even more angry, saying in her broken english, " Oh no,no I do NOT agree with that! This is very bad!" You should have seen the look on her face, I hate her looks! Her eyes get really wide when she's angry (which is a lot) and I have never seen her that angry before, it was really bad! And she was angry at me! So you can imagine that I was very alarmed and confused and annoyed all at the same time which is not a good combination! Alarmed because she was super angry, confused because I hadn't done anything wrong, and annoyed because she always does this and I freaken can't stand her looks!


So this went on for a while and I responed the best I could but I really had NO IDEA what the heck was wrong with the woman, what was wrong with sitting on my bed reading a book? She'd walked into my room and I wasn't on my laptop for once! (You can imagine how much she dissaproves of my laptop, like she disaproves of pretty much every thing else I do)


So yah, it had something to do with doing the dishes. I clean the kitchen after every meal that I participate in and also other chores that she makes me do from time to time (and dont get me wrong, I'm happy to help out, but she isn't very nice about it, she always acts like I'm being so rude and she has to force me to do stuff and so she works up this attitude about it before she even asks me in the first place!). She never indicated that she wanted me to do the dishes, not this morning not last night, not EVER. However according to her I must read her mind and that is the only way I can succeed in pleasing her!


You should have seen how furious she was (I'm not exajerating, it was very alarming!). After I grudgingly (but with a concerned look on my face, not an angry one) did the dishes, we left a half an hour late for Caen which is where the reunion was (and is 2 hours away).


Just me and her in the car sitting in a tense silence for the first 2o minutes until she just HAD to bring it up again, how she was so unhappy with me because I am so ungrateful and lazy (those are not her words exactly, this is me translating her half french half broken english tirade, and I repeat that I am being careful not to exajerate!), and that it was totally NOT ok with her. Well it just so happens that it was totally NOT ok with me!!!

That was the part where I sat there thinking, what have I gotten myself into, this is probably somehow my fault, what is wrong with me that I have totally screwed up once again? And my eyes filled with tears so I turned my head away from her, willing them not to escape my eyes. But she just kept going on and on and I tried so hard to explain to her that she has to freaken TELL me if she wants my help with something, how the heck else am I supposed to know!

I kept trying to say "you have to tell me that you want my help, how else am I supposed to know? You can't get angry with me, I do not think that did anything wrong!" But of course she didn't understand and I did my best to say it in french but she didn't understand that either and honestly she did understand enough to know what I was getting at but she rufused to see it from my point of view.

"Tu ne comprends pas!" I told her and she kept saying,"Si!"("You don't understand","Yes I do!" in english) and we got nowhere and finally lapsed into silence and few tears betrayed me but I mostly kept them in. I opened my book and tried to concentrate so I would stop crying. I hate crying infront of people, its so awkward, there are so many times where I'm trying so hard to hold it in and its nearly impossible, this was one of those times! What would she have done if I just burst into tears right there, I was so upset, I would have been sobbing. What would she think? Would it have helped me? Probably mentaly,yes it feels good to cry, but with the situation, I don't know.

We finally got there. I went in and sat down at a table with the other exchange students. The two french ladies who were in charge were asking every one questions about cultural differences and stuff. I would have just stared at the table so she wouldn't ask me anything but I had to pay attention because she was speaking french. And when she asked me a question, suddenly every one was staring at me and I understood what she said but didn't know how to reply in french so I said "uhh oui, mais j'sais pas comment expliquer en francaise" (yes but I don't know how it explain it in french). But she didn't take no for an answere and she kept saying things to me and she talked so fast, I couldn't understand every thing and it was so embarrasing, especially when some of the stuck-up-eropean-know-it-alls started translating for me in the most condescending way possible, it feels so terribel when people do that, I guess you would just have to be there. When people do that to me I usually just interupt them, which says, "I don't need your help, I'm not completely stupid!" So that was very emarrassing. Its always like that with people wondering why the heck I'm here if I suck so bad in french and they are so stuck up about it. I have my reasons, and people come to America all the time who hardly speak english at all and they eventually learn and we don't think its weird, they do it all the time! But apparently europeans don't think like that!

You can imagine how terrible I was feeling at that point! I just can be so stupid sometimes. It was just that I was so nervouse and I had a lot on my mind, so there! I can't stand that girl from sweden she is so stuck up!

It got better after that when I talked to this girl Ida who didn't understand much either and I also got to talk to Sasha from Latvia who I rode on the train with on the way to meet my host family and Josien who was one of my roomates at orientation. And I also made friends with Otto, a cute guy from Norway I think ,and Davids, from Latvia also. Its easy to make friends with other exchange students because we all have so much in common and we are so interstined in eachother. We all ate lunch together and that was fun. It was a potluck and I made home made applesauce and Ian, the other American really liked it. He had made apple pie and I really liked that!

After lunch I was finally introduced to my personne relaise! I got so nervouse when I tried to talk to her that I stuttered a little and couldn't figure out how to word things, so it was kinda of embarrasing and I felt like crying again so my voice got kinda high. And the worse part was. She didn't think it was as bad as it was! Or as if felt rather, I don't know how bad it really is but it feels totally HORRIBLE. It wasn't that she just brushed it off or anything. She is super nice! I told her every thing how my family doesn't like christians and how my host mom is always realy upset with me and she is so stressed out. She just explained away ,rationalizing every thing. I didn't really explain the full extent of my misery because I was trying to act mature about it and really because I didn't know how to say it. I did say that I as just really uncomfortable with my family and that I have been having a bit of hard time. She said she would talk to my host mom about this moring.

Her and my host mom talked for a loooooong time! You can imagine how nerve racking it was, sitting there with my friends at one table and watching them sitting over there talking about me!

On the way home my host mom told me that she was willing to forget this morning and start over tomorrow but when I pressed her, I found that she still didn't see it from my point of view and that she was just forgiving me because Nathalie (me personne relaise)probably convinced her to. Thankyou Nathalie! However I couldn't rest until I had made my host mom undestand where I was coming from! So I tried and tried and I think we sorta maybe had a break through and if that, a small one, but it was somthing still. I cried again (uggghh!) after that but she didn't notice and this time I was thinking that if Nathalie didn't understand the full extent of what was happeneing, that means I don't have hope of maybe getting a new host family, which means I maybe don't have any hope at all for things to get better. Don't get me wrong, I'm really trying here! But I just don't know how long I can go on like this with a long year looming ahead of me. I saw the other exchange students with their families and they were just so different with eachother, every one was so happy. I talked to my friend about how she liked her host family and she described them as ideal. I just don't understand why this has to happen to ME. I gave up so much to come here, and I have to know, is it worth it? I came because I thought I needed a change, I just wanted to be happy.
My other exchange student friends are having a blast so why not me? I just don't understand, what is wrong with me? Sorry to be such a downer, I really need some advice, please just give me your cold hard opinion, you can spare my feelings. I really don't understand this situation!

Proper Multi-Language Protocal Confusion (not THAT is a moulthful!)

Today I had lunch with my friends from art class! And yesterday I had lunch with some other girls in my class! FINALLY, I am making friends with some normal kids! Not that I'm not thankful for those who befriended me in the beginning but hey, its good to hang out with people who don't smoke between every class and wear all black. How the heck did I manage to make friends with them in the first place? Oh yah, I didn't speak any french and have a choice, but it was nice of them to help me out at first. I can tell it gets annoying after a while and they hardly talk to me any more, its just nice to have someone to stand with and not be a loner.
Yesterday I had a free peroid before lunch so I had to try and find my friends in the masive lunch confusion. I stood there forever looking like a loner and then this really nice girl from my class asked me if I wanted to eat with her and her friends! I was so happy because I really wanted to be friends with them! I know I sound like such a loser right now but, hey its hard being a stupid american in a foreign country! And when I say stupid american, I really mean that, my french is soooo bad!
So lunch was really great yesterday, the other girls I sat with were so fun, they reminded me of my friends at home, they just seemed a lot happier than my former emo lunch buddies. NOT that I have anything against emo people or anything like that, its just that they can be such downers! And who knew France had emos!? Its so wierd!
So I ate with my art buddies today because they invited me and that made me so happy=] The best thing about them is that they don't speak english. People here always speak english to me and they act like they have to. The thing is, in France its rude to expect people to speak english with you, you have to make an effort in french first until they realize that you are a helpless cause lol. But some people just always speak english to me and they act like I expect it, which I don't! And that gets really annoying after a while, because I want to be polite. The french are big on protocal, which I just keep learning the hard way. At lunch they introduced me to some of their other friends and they said that one of them is Anglaise. At least thats what I think they said when they introduced her. Sometimes it takes my brain a while to process the french, but I can't just stand there not saying anything because then I would look stupid so most of the time I just nod my head and pretend to understand lol.
The thing about Anglaise, is that it can mean either British or American which I find really annoying. Anyways I asked her in french, " tu est une etudient echange aussi?" Are you an exchange student also? And she replied in french also and I didn't understand a word of it because she spoke so fast but I just nodded my head politely and was cringing inside because I realized that it was probably wierd for me to speak french to her,I should have said that in english. I am so embarrassed now! Everyone here thinks I'm such an airhead, which I kinda am, uggh!
How the heck am I supposed to know, since when have I EVER experienced anything like this! I hate it when I mess up like this because french people aren't good at hiding how they feel. These people are all about body language and so when I mess up, I definitlely know it!
This isn't my first air-head moment, I've had a few others, and I'm sorry but french people can be sooooo bitchy sometimes! Everytime some one is rude to me here I try to calm myself down saying ,its just how they are, theres nothing I can do, I'm a foreigner, its hard! It can get so frusturating sometimes!
My personne relaise still hasn't replyed to my email! I had been having a really hard time and waiting was the worst! This weekend is a reunion for all the exchange students in my region and my personne relaise is going to be there so I'm going to talk to her. Every keeps asking me if I'm going to switch and when. I don't know! I don't know if I'm going to switch! I kinda want to but I just don't know. Its kind of a big deal to have to switch host families, but I really want to be happy here you know? I'm nervouse about talking to my personne relaise, I'm afraid that I won't say the right thing, I'm so bad at talking about stuff like that. I'm afraid that my mind will just go blank when I try to tell her why I'm unhappy. Its happened before!

I'm sorry I havent written in so long! I really just havent had anything to write about, I've been having a really hard time with my host family and its so frusturating. My host mom is crazy, I don't understand the woman! She is always upset with me and its getting to the point where I can't stand her. I finally sent an email to my personne relaise who is my contact at my agency about it and I'm waiting for her to reply.
I am so amazingly homesick, I feel miserable. I feel like a failure, why the heck isn't this working out!? I know this happens all the time to exchange students,especially because my grandma used to work for YFU (the agency I'm here with) so my mom knows all about it, but I'm so frusterated that this is happening to me, I just want to enjoy my time here.
Remember how I mentioned me having a little rash? I didn't even think it was a big deal then but my little rash has turned into a BIG rash. I have hives that come and go all over my body, its really bad. I get them really bad on my back and arms, sometimes I feel like my back is one big hive! They only come really bad at night time,though, so thats good that I'm not itching like crazy at school.
I'm developing a bad behavior pattern, I'm on my laptop alllll the time, all I ever do is play on my laptop and sleep all day, its really bad but I don't know what else to do with my time. I don't have any good books here. My mom is sending me my favorite book series but I've already read them a thousand times so my laptop is still a bit more interesting. I'm thinking about ordering some books from the amazon.co.uk but I'm not sure if my address here is..uh permanent at the moment so I have to wait and see. Any ideas of what I can do to distract myself?
Ok well now I'm going to answere questions:
The time differnce? I'm six hours ahead of Toledo time so I'm 7 hours ahead of you, Jackie.
Am I allergic to anything? Apparently I am now, my mom thinks its the laundry soap so I'm going to the store tomorrow to get some hypoallergenic stuff.
No one watches tv? Well thats just in my family and now I've discovered that they do watch it, but just a little, they only have like 10 channels though so I think they just watch the news sometimes
Do they have explicit stuff on tv and in the stores? Not that I've seen on tv since I've been here this time, last time, though when I went to Paris, I saw a verrrrry revealing lotion comercial. As for the stores, you have to go to specials stores for the explicit stuff just like in the US however, there are quite a lot of those stores around here. I was walking down the street the other day and I saw a flashing sign that said SEX SHOP on it lol, I wanted to take a picture but that would look really wierd.
Thanks for your comment Jackie :) I feel like you're the only one reading this blog lol.
Well I'm sorry to be so negative, I'll try to think of something funny to write for my next post!

School

The first day of school was kinda terrible, so I'm just going to pretend that it never happened, ok? The second day was much better! I made a few friends and I made even more friends on the second day! I didn't even expect to make any friends, its hard to rely on the kindness of strangers! The best one is Julie, she is soo patient with me and she always makes sure I know where my classes are. And she always speaks french to me first because she knows how much I want to understand (a lot of people have just given up on me and speak english), and she is just soo helpful, she is amazing! Also we have a lot in common because we both like to read! :)
My school is HUGE! It is also really ghetto lol. When Julie was showing me where the nurses office was we had to go through this one part of the school and she told me to be very careful when I walk through here because if you stare at any one or bump into them, they might beat you up! Ok, well I found that really funny but she was serious!
On thursday, I didn't get out of school until 6 o'clock!!!!! My schedual is really wierd! Like, I don't have any classes on wednesday, and sometimes I only have classes in the mornings and other times they don't end until 5 or 6 and also, I have one class on saturday. Overall, its not too bad though :)
I have been so so so tired lately. I think it is because of the stress. And also I think I have been getting a wierd rash. Last night my back itched like crazy and so I looked at it in the mirror and it just looked like.. well you know how you sometimes get marks on your face from your pillow after you wake up in the morning? It looked like that, only much bigger and I thought it was just from my shirt becuase I was really cold all day and had like 3 layers on and I was leaning up against my pillow reading for a long time. But right now I'm getting the same thing on my arm, it is soooo itchy and it does not look good! I washed my arm with hand soap and put some of theis Cetaphyl lotion stuff on it, so I hope that helps, it kinda looks like burned myself.I looked up the french word for 'rash' and 'to itch' but I can't guess how to pronounce them.
I have finally gotten exactly halfway through reading The Portrait of a Lady! this is a major triumph!! It is a very long boring book that was writtin in the 1800s and I don't know why I'm reading it! Its a classic,reading the classics makes me feel smart and its about a girl who goes to europe so I thought, its just like me! I've put it down for the time being and now I'm reading Northanger Abbey, which actually isn't that hard to follow. Well I really miss my 21st century books and I'm waiting for my mom to send them to me in the mail but that is going to take a while!
I know I was unhappy back home with school and stuff and with my parents because we fought all the time and I never felt like they loved me but now I miss it so much. It does not help that my parents were super nice and loving right before I left. I would give anything to wake up in my own bed and go downstairs and see my mom sitting at the kitchen table just like any other day. And to hear the tv blaring becuase Lia has bad hearing .My host family is so different, every thing is so quiet here! People even talk more quietly here I aways have to ask them to say something again because I can't hear. And they hardly ever watch tv and every one just minds their own business everyday and I wish some one would just bother me!!!
Wow I am crazy, ok then.
Thankyou for the comments! I love getting those they make me so happy! You want some more stories about France experiences? Ok well here is something really funny. I went school shopping the other day with my host mom and I was looking for conditionerd. Apparently people in France do no use conditioner and I don't even know the word for conditioner so it was pretty intersting. I found something that might be conditioner so I bought that but when I was looking at stuff in that isle there were also things like douche milk and douche gel! Lol that made me smile. The word for shower is douche in french. Also, I have had another major accomplishment!!! I have figured out the buttons on the toilette!!!!! They are for conserving water, one is for using a lot of water and one is for using a little water, it depends on the size of your...you know. lol so that was very exciting, I asked Julie when we went to the bathroom at school.
Ok well this is super long, I love you guys so much and hope you are doing ok, send me an email if you want! Anna.Kaiser1@yahoo.com
p.s. I promise to answere more questions in my next post because this one is rediculously long.

5 Days

I have been very upset for the past few days! So I wanted to wait until I felt better to write on here. This is what happened: At lunch on sunday afternoon my host-father asked me what kind of church I went to in America (catholique?). So when I told him I was a christian, he could hide how disgusted he was! There was a very tense silence that followed and they were all looking at eachother with pointed looks. It was so horrible that after lunch I went to my room and burst into tears! I cried a lot that day and the next because I was realizing what I have gotten myself into and I was very very scared! I even considered getting a new host family because how can I bond with a family that doesn't like chrstians when I am one?! I have decided that if anything else as horrible as that happens again I will probably call my agency. But other than that episode they are nice. My host mom and my host brother and the kindest to me. My host-sisters friends that are guys were very rude to me because I like McCain, but her friends that are girls are nice. None of them speak English, only a little. Yesterday I spent all afternoon at Anne Laure's freind's apartment. I was very patient and didn't mind too much but after they started being rude to me I really wanted to go home! We spent hours and hours there and the whole time I was just sitting all by myself. I am not exaggerating, I sat there like that hours.
I called my parents when we got home and balled my eyes out! Talking to my mom made me feel a lot better. Today I got an email from Friedrich and he is having a very hard time also, and knowing that made me feel SOOO much better.
Thankyou for leaving me a comment Jackie! I love getting comments!! They drive on the same side of the road as we do. One thing I have noticed is that they are very crazy drivers!!! Cars will get within a foot of pedestrains, I am not exaggerating and I know this because it happened to me!!
So I have been having a very hard time, but everyday gets better, and my french improves everyday too. I start school tomorrow, so its going to be a very exciting day and it will probably be very hard. Tomorrow is also my birthday, so it will be a very intersting day and hopefully not to emotional!

A few weeks before I left I was watching a travel channel show, Anthony Bordain. I don't like that guy because he is really overly sarcastic and he thinks he's really funny because of it, he tries to hard! lol But I watch it if there is nothing else on, plus he goes to really interesting places. Anyways, I forget where he was but he was staying with these people in like, India or somewhere like it and the man he was staying with was explaining to him how in his culture, pleople often go to stay with another family for 5 days. And that even just 5 days with a different family can change you forever and that this is a very good thing. He was trying to get Anthony to stay for 5 days but Anthony was too cynical and he wasn't feeling it. But Anyways it made a lot of sense to me and that guy seemed very wise! And I'm going to be here for much longer than 5 days!
So anyways, please leave me comments and I will try to write after school tomorrow!

My Host Family

So, I'm here! My host family is great. I can tell that they are very nice people! They remodeled their spare bedroom just for me and bought my school books and bus card, and all of that is expensive! There is so much to say! Their dog only has 3 legs! The toilet is in a little closet-like room and you have to go to the bathroom to wash your hands afterwards and also to flush the toilet you have to press a button. Except, there are two buttons and I never know which to press so I just pick one lol.
They've given up speaking french to me, I feel really bad. In French class, we didn't really practice speaking in French so its very hard for me. But I can read french the best, and I can usually understand a few senenteces if they talk slowly. Last night my host sister took me into the city with her(Rouen, we live in a subarb) on her moped! We went to an Irish pub with her friends! I had beer! And I smoked two cigaretts! I didn't exactly like beer or smoking, but it was fun haha. Anne Laure (my host sister) and I went to see the Cathedral, we walked down cobblestone streets and we actually saw 3 cathredrals, they were BEAUTIFUL! There are so many cathedrals here that it is kinda redicilous.
Well I'm really bored right now and I always feel really awkward, I never know what to do with myself, I miss my other exchange student friends that I met at orientation. I'm very anxoius to see how they are doing and I wonder if they feel as awkward as I do.
Its really overwhelming to be here. I called my family yesterday when I got here, and I just started crying. I can't even think about it with out crying. Its not that I'm misreable, I don't really know how to explain. But I feel like I do not want to call them because I don't want to cry, and I probably won't call very often because of that.
I know that I will feel more comfortable with time and especially when I make friends and ESPECIALLY when I can finally speak french. I wish I knew more french!
My aim is: AnnaElizabeth0 and my email is: Anna.kaiser1@yahoo.com for those who don't know. Please write me! I may not be able to reply to all my emails but thats why I'm blogging. I would really love to know how everybody is and how school is going and don't leave anything out!